Our Aruba Wedding

I have finally arrived home from a phenomenal week in Aruba. Each day was really a blur but I’ll have a lot to tell you about once I recover! Luckily I’ll have mostly wonderful news to report! I’ll also be sharing detailed reviews of our venue and vendors as well as tell you about other activites we and our guests participated in. And of course, I’m hoping to have photos to share soon. Its just a matter of sorting through them all. I want to thank all of those who have offered their support through this blog! I can’t tell you what a help it was.

So what will happen once my reviews are wrapped up? Well I’ll try to keep my eye out and pass along other information I think you might be interested in. Also, I’d love to ‘pass the torch’ to another bride that is going through the process of planning her Aruba wedding. I can’t tell you how wonderful it has been to meet other brides – they have been a tremendous resource to me. If you’d like to become a ‘guest blogger’ here on this site, please let me know. I’m looking for those that can as objectively as possible, share their experiences. That will continue to share the ups and downs and little tidbits you learn about Aruba along the way.

After a few set-backs and misunderstandings over the last couple of days, I think I’m moving forward again. At the moment its 2am and I have only one day left! In this day I’m hoping to get salon treatments done (acrylic nails, pedicure, wax), get the fudge I plan to bring as favors (40 minutes away), hire a pet sitter, finish packing and my mind is blank after that right now.

Luckily my brother (who just got married last weekend!), offered to help me with the printed materials! I’ve roughed in the itinerary, welcome letter, stickers, favor tags, CD labels, etc and he’s going to print this all for me and assemble the CDs! I would think wedding chores would be the last thing he would want to do right now, but maybe he has an appreciation of how much work goes into this. While I have other people that have offered to help, I haven’t been organized enough to accept it. I’m from a family of procrastinators so my brother is someone that will help me scramble at the last minute and not give me (too much) grief!

The Dress!

Today I picked up the dress (and my party outfit and the groom’s pants – all from different placed). She’s hanging here in my living room. Now I’m worrying again about getting her down there. Its not huge and ‘poufy’ but is big enough that it could cause trouble. I’ve done a lot of reading to try to figure out how I ‘pack’ it. Brides have had all kinds of experiences with the airlines from fantastic to horrifying.

I’ve read accounts of attendants that will hang the dress in the first class closet but think I’ve also read posts that say these closets may not be available in some of the smaller commuter planes (or they are confronted with a flight attendant having a bad day who refuses to ‘bend’ the rules). When the closets aren’t available, some brides have gotten lucky with an empty overhead or seat or even had a crew willing to let it fly in the cockpit.

Others have had the horrible experience of a flight attendant that made them cram it in their carry-on. Some brides, reading about experiences like that didn’t want to take the chance with cramming in a carry-on so instead chose to fold it into a large checked bag, only to be a nervous wreck wondering it it will get damaged or lost.

I do plan to try to carry my dress on as my personal item but admit I’m uneasy because the plane is full! I wouldn’t worry at all if I saw empty seats but it looks like space will be a premium. Since I’m bringing so much with me, packing in the checked bag is not an option, not that I really think I’d do that anyway. So please, wish me luck! If my fiancé and I were flying from the same city I wouldn’t worry because he’s a ‘medallion’ member with the airline and has a knack for being able to schmooze just about anyone – “Mr Charming”. We’ll meet up during the lay-over, but getting down there could be interesting.

This is one time I actually plan to get to the airport early! I’m thinking I’ve had enough problems in the last few days that its time for things to start going my way, right?

As always too many things have been saved for the last minute. Not the least of those is my groom’s outfit! He’ll be wearing a shorten Indian sherwani that is a creamy color with embroidery. The problem? Finding pants to go with it! Try to find lightweight cream slacks right now! The hunt did not go well, both of us totally stressed out trying to accomplish this at absolutely the wrong time. We finally went to a really upscale men’s boutique here in town with a plea for help.

As we walked in we said “We hope you can save our wedding!” It’s interesting how helpful an objective third party can be! They had the cream colored slacks I thought would work but the guy at the salon also insisted a nice chocolate brown would be really nice. (Chocolate brown is actually what my fiance wanted.) I kept thinking chocolate brown on the beach?!? Sounds so wrong but I finally gave in after the guy at the boutique insisted it would be really good. On the upside though, he was able to convince my groom that a more contemporary fit, flat front pant would work well for him (something he wasn’t interested in by my suggestion alone). So we ended up with brown but flat!

After all that ‘fun’, we came home and worked through packing and think we’re going to be ok! We got the lanterns and welcome bag items packed which was the most important. He will have a hard shell suitcase with lanterns, plus they will take up about half a duffel, so there is his to checked bags. Luckily he doesn’t have to pack much – doesn’t really need much more than a carry-on. I will have a duffel full of welcome bag stuff, plus a second checked duffel with fudge and my clothing. Then my carry-on and checked bag. I am SO GLAD I arranged to have a car service pick me up and take me to the airport! (We are flying from different cities but will meet in Atlanta.)

After shopping and packing we decided we needed to chill out with a movie, pizza and wine. Pizza and wine are things I definitely didn’t need and then I kept thinking about some of the chocolates we are bringing with us – some orange chocolate Dutch Pastilles. Neither of us have actually tried them so we figured we might as well before giving them to our guests. Oh my gosh – they’re so good! We ate most of the tube. Then this morning I finished them off and continued my bad behavior with a carrot cake cupcake from the bakery on the corner. I think in the last 24 hours I undid a week’s worth of workouts.

This is a test to see if I can post from my iPhone. Could allow for some quick and easy short posts while we are in Aruba! Less than a week to go! (Looks like iPhone posting is working but not photo upload.)

I have to say that I never imagine I would be someone to run a blog. I was really ‘anti-blog’ for so long. As you probably know, this started with us wanting to share our thoughts on our site visit with others. We had a big stack of notes and a bunch of photos and it just didn’t seem right to just throw it all in a drawer after we selected the hotel.

Since then, the blog has taken an unexpected life of its own. I’ve been able to share my ideas and resources and have been lucky enough to have other brides share GREAT ideas with me. It has also been an outlet for venting – the opportunity to vent to other people that are going through many of the same things. Thank you so so much to the brides who email me! There have been times that I have wanted to back-away from the blog – believe it or not I’m a really shy person. I’ve also received really ugly emails from what must be an offended vendor. But the support from the readers has encouraged me to share even more, not less! Below is one of the emails that I just received (I hope she doesn’t mind me anonymously sharing). This is one of those emails that came a ‘just the right time’ and is appreciated more than you know:

Somehow I managed to get myself all worked up again yesterday. There is now pressure to make final decisions yet I don’t feel like I have all the information I need to make them so I start to panic. Luckily this is where my groom and I work well together. As I become this crumpled pile of tears, he grabs the reigns for a while and now I think we are back on track. We had a conference call a couple of hours ago and I’m feeling a lot better. I also had a 4+ hour drive back to Michigan which I used to try to put things back into perspective.

Lighting: Somehow I was expecting that now that deadlines imminent, we would be getting responses and answers much quicker. We had the lighting conference call last Wednesday and it was Monday before I finally sent another email since there had been no follow through that I was aware of. Something interesting did come out of it though. We didn’t get a meeting with the company Marriott was initially going to refer us to, but were finally referred to the DJ. I found this referral a bit strange – why would the Marriott not have referred us to this DJ that was already working for us – the one they wanted us to hire? While I am still unclear on that, it turns out that the entertainment company that will provide the DJ also does in fact do lighting.

I had thought the entertainment company’s lighting was limited to disco / dance floor type lighting but there may be more that they do. And it looks like this may be the better way to go anyway. Are we disappointed to not be working with the company we did not get the meeting with? No. The Marriott had already warned us that they would be really expensive. Also, our independent planner has warned us against using that company at all.  Finally it turns out they are really just ‘event planners’. The event planner would then just turn around and hire someone like the entertainment company to actually do the lighting. So, we may be in good hands working with the entertainment company directly. And really, are lighting needs aren’t that significant – we just want some indirect lighting instead of floodlights.

Flowers: last night I really felt lost. We finally fall asleep for a while but then both woke up around 2:00am when my groom decides to send another email to the wedding planner. Somehow he often seems to have better luck. You want to know the crazy thing? He says she actually replied after that, after 2:00am! Reinforces what I already knew — that she works SO HARD. I don’t know the contents of the email, but believe that by the end of the day we’ll have some more guidance. Today they are supposed to set up the tables to get an idea of how many arrangement she thinks may be necessary. What I’m hoping for is she’ll be able to tell us something like: “do 1 really dramatic grouping and 2 more moderate groupings for each table”, Or “2 dramatic and 3 modest per table”…  Or “just do 5 moderate / modest groupings per table”… Some guidance like that, then we can pick from the ‘menu’ of arrangements we’ve been given and see what fits in our budget.

Reflection: While I was driving today I took the time to try to put things into perspective. Take us for example; our budget has more than doubled. That means much of what we are asking from our vendors has also increased. So here we are close to our wedding date and more work has been created. Also, we are most definitely not the only couple doing this. I’m a programmer so I should know this so well — we call it ’scope creep’. A client gives you a project and a deadline, yet along the way they want more features but still want the same delivery date. So my flowers – the initial expectation was just 4-5 identical mixed flower arrangements down each table, which I was never very excited with. Finally, 3 weeks before the wedding I find my inspiration, though don’t really know what it will take to pull it off. Its also a type of set-up they don’t have experience with, so how can I expect them to know exactly what it will take? I need to be glad they are embracing my ideas and are willing to try.

Advice: Now today the anxiety is lessened. A piece of advice I have to other brides is don’t let yourself get too worked up. When you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed pick up the phone. They will hear your concerns and calm your fears. In fact, some of your concerns may suddenly seem silly. And remember, the pressure you are putting on yourself is WAY more pressure than anyone else will put on you. The issue that has become so big in your head may not really be that big of a deal after all.

Action Plan: The independent planner is hoping to set up the table and canopy today and give us a better idea of what we are working with. Tonight I will finally pick some flowers and just hope for the best. Really, does anyone else pay much attention to flowers anyway? They will see if the entertainment guy can stop by and give some insight on the lighting. Today we will finally formalize a menu. Most importantly we arranged a meeting for the day we arrive which will hopefully include both wedding planners, the DJ (and lighting person if it will be someone else) and the manager of the La Vista restaurant who will hold a tasting for us. Then together we will all walk the space and figure out what will go where and any last minute adjustments that need to be made. This will all still be three days before the wedding. Meeting this whole team of people I think will go a long ways to relieving any lingering concerns and have us ready to enjoy our guests when they get there the following day.

Note: after the wedding we’ll share names and reviews of all companies we are working with. I don’t want any of my rants to reflect poorly on someone that might end up doing an outstanding job.

After what we thought was great progress last week with flowers and lighting, little more progress has been made. Last night I finally received a quote on how much different individual flower arrangements would cost, however absolutely no suggestions as to how many arrangments it might take to create the effect. We were hoping they would get what we are after and present us with a ‘vision’ of what it will take to pull it off, and most importantly how much that will cost. So now instead of working on budget, we are sitting here trying to pick and choose what we think might be the best arrangements and totally trying to guess how many of each we will need even though we do not know the length of the tables, sizes of the vases, etc… How on earth am I supposed to know this? I guess the best I’m going to be able to do is pick an amount we are willing to spend, figure out how many arrangements we can get for that money and ‘hope for the best’? Will it be too much? Totally skimpy? Who knows. I’m just really bummed out right now.

And lighting? STILL no quotes and no one hired. Finally emailed the planners again today. Looks like currently my best option is to see if our DJ can do something for us. I may have mentioned before that our biggest concern is that we don’t want floodlights – we finally got the conference call arranged with the hotel last week only to be told that ‘all they do is floodlights’. So, there was time wasted and now we are scrambling and getting very uncomfortable. Tomorrow the sales manager is organizing a call to get to the bottom of this.

So here we did what we thought were great things. I collected photos I loved on flowers and thought I clearly explained what I wanted and am maybe halfway there with the work being put back on me. And the lighting – we put together a power point that had several pictures that showed effects we loved only to be told we would need an outside vendor whom we have yet to be put in touch with. So, again I think the lesson is that if you want to do something outside what is ‘normally done’, be prepared to put in a lot of work.

I do think this will all come together in the end, I’m just sorry that I’m sitting here worrying about this stuff on what is supposed to be a happy night…

We did it! I am now legally entwined with this man of mine, laughing as he is trying to open our cheap bottle of bubbly and pour it into our cheaper plastic flutes. On one hand we have this weekend long celebration of our marriage that we are planning in Aruba, full of romance, family, friends and fun. On the other we have the legal part which we chose to do in secret here at home.

We both took the day off of work and set off this morning with a list of tasks. Dropped my ring off to be polished, chose and ordered his ring, went to Nordstrom and purchased some beautiful Nadri earrings and bracelets, picked up some make-up I needed, got some lunch and then headed to the courthouse while rockin’ out to some Reggatone music. The picture is kind of funny because we’re not young – I’m in my later 30’s, he in his mid 40’s. We walk up to the marriage license window needing only our drivers licenses. Fifteen minutes later we were called in to go over paperwork. Even though I’m from out of state all we each needed is that single piece of identification. No blood tests… no waiting periods… just $20 and a couple of signatures and then we’re sent upstairs to the magistrate.

We pay the magistrate clerk $80, wait our turn in their waiting area. In front of us is a young couple in jeans with two small children. After them is an older couple dressed nicely; she is carrying a bouquet and they seem to have two family members with them. Witnesses right? We also were surprised to find out you don’t even need witnesses anymore, though we of course understand most people would want some family with them.

Finally its our turn. We are called into the courtroom where an attorney acting for the magistrate performs the ‘ceremony’. The three of us stand there in the middle of the room. He asks about the rings we don’t have and we kind of laugh as he modifes the pre-written vows to say the rings we ‘will someday have’. I was kind of suprised that we do recite the traditional vows. To have and to hold, richer / poor, sickness / health, etc.

So why the magistrate and why in secret? Why are we not getting married in the Aruba Town Hall? Well, really it has nothing to do with Aruba. We were originally planning to get married in Puerto Vallarta. We’d heard enough horror stories about Mexico that we decided early on that would be more comfortable just getting the legal stuff taken care of at home. Then our destination changed but that plan somehow stuck. And in secret because as far as all our family and friends will know, they are seeing the actual wedding. We don’t want them to feel like they missed out on something.

Is this a good way to do things? We don’t know and definitely not for everyone. Will this take something away from our Aruba wedding? Or will we be more relaxed knowing that the legal part is done? Will we later be disappointed that moment wasn’t as romantic as it could have been and wasn’t shared by our families and friends? Either way, at least we have one thing crossed off the list. So now how are we spending our wedding night? On the computers trying to sort out more wedding details… As far as we’re concerned, what we did today was ‘paperwork’. The real wedding is yet to come.

I really should be in bed right now but “Say Yes to the Dress” is on and rooting me to the couch. Its interesting though – I woke up so down and haven’t been sleeping well at all. I’ve had a bit of a headache all day (please don’t be the beginning of the flu!) and was totally burned out on ‘anything wedding’. Well, as soon as I vented here, I started actually getting some things done! Just little things but right now every little bit count! I revisited the sailing excursion issue, looked into my chocolate bar favors and find out I still have time to order them, contacted a company about a shirt for my groom and am hoping we have time to have it shipped (from India). I also started on the design for the CDs (the software they provide to design with is junk so I’ve found a template I can work with in Photoshop). And, I dug the printer out of the spare room, changed the ink and am hoping it will print without a fight.

Anyway — I just wanted to follow up on our trip to NYC. We visited the famed Kleinfeld to look at accessories. The windows were so amazing – gorgeous! It was kind of funny walking in there though. We walk in together and there is this light blue carpet and this high counter / desk and behind it are 4 or 5 women, all with dark hair and a LOT of make-up, ALL looking at us. We were directed downstairs to accessories and as we are on our way down he leans over and says something like “I feel like we just walked into a brothel!”. (Actually his wording was more colorful than that but I don’t need to repeat it.) Part of me wanted to elbow him and tell him to behave but I could only laugh because I was thinking the exact same thing! ‘Come on in my darlings… we have lots of nice girls for you…’ (Of course their girls are dresses but it was still funny. No one actually said that but it seemed like they could have.)

I looked mostly at some earrings and bracelets and geez they were expensive. What looked like simple crystal earrings were $180. Seriously? A simple bangle with a single row of rhinestones, $105. I also saw a cuff that was nearly $300 that I swear I recognized from Overstock.com where it’s being sold for just over $100. While I wouldn’t pay that much for costume jewelry, I was hoping to at least get inspiration. There were a couple of pairs of earrings I did like. And wouldn’t you know, I found one of them on eBay for $18 vs the $160+ at Kleinfeld. I’m not sure they’re right for the dress, but for $18 I bought them anyway. At least now I have backup.

So do other brides go through this? I am totally stuck. I have just a few weeks left, plenty to do, yet have been totally burned out. I get home and do some research online but don’t seem to get anywhere. I don’t want to think about it. Then, I get to bed and lie awake because I am then confronted by all that’s left to do and start to panic. I’ve been avoiding people because they of course ask if I’m excited about the wedding and at this moment I’m not – seems like one thing after another is going wrong (not really with the wedding, just ‘other stuff’).

I’m also suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that – ‘Oh my God – our guests are traveling all the way to Aruba and spending minimum $1000 each to come see our wedding…’ Already I’m shy and uncomfortable being the center of attention and somehow this makes the pressure even more (that is pressure I put on myself). And I go through moments of some crazy irrational fears (like last night when a newbie in Zumba kept crowding me and I was totally afraid she was going to break my foot or ankle which would keep me from working out any more before the wedding – you’d think she’d have backed off when I stepped on her once when she went the wrong way). Its also been cold and rainy for days which gets depressing and I start to wonder what if I get the flu, yet refuse to get flu shots.

I don’t have a veil yet, don’t have a strapless swimsuit yet, don’t have bridal jewelry or purse, don’t have bridal or honeymoon lingerie, don’t have bridesmaid or parent gifts and don’t feel like shopping!!! I haven’t done my DIY projects because I don’t have any creative energy and don’t feel like fighting with my printer. And I need to make decisions on items I was thinking of ordering for the welcome bags – already I think I’ll be subjected to ‘expedited shipping’. Yes, my own fault.

Why can I suddenly not make decisions? Part I think is guilt over the budget which has literally tripled. I’m having such trouble spending money even though he keeps telling me its ok – that the money is there. And there is also guilt in knowing this is supposed to be such a happy time and I’m stuck in this rut.