Somehow I managed to get myself all worked up again yesterday. There is now pressure to make final decisions yet I don’t feel like I have all the information I need to make them so I start to panic. Luckily this is where my groom and I work well together. As I become this crumpled pile of tears, he grabs the reigns for a while and now I think we are back on track. We had a conference call a couple of hours ago and I’m feeling a lot better. I also had a 4+ hour drive back to Michigan which I used to try to put things back into perspective.

Lighting: Somehow I was expecting that now that deadlines imminent, we would be getting responses and answers much quicker. We had the lighting conference call last Wednesday and it was Monday before I finally sent another email since there had been no follow through that I was aware of. Something interesting did come out of it though. We didn’t get a meeting with the company Marriott was initially going to refer us to, but were finally referred to the DJ. I found this referral a bit strange – why would the Marriott not have referred us to this DJ that was already working for us – the one they wanted us to hire? While I am still unclear on that, it turns out that the entertainment company that will provide the DJ also does in fact do lighting.

I had thought the entertainment company’s lighting was limited to disco / dance floor type lighting but there may be more that they do. And it looks like this may be the better way to go anyway. Are we disappointed to not be working with the company we did not get the meeting with? No. The Marriott had already warned us that they would be really expensive. Also, our independent planner has warned us against using that company at all.  Finally it turns out they are really just ‘event planners’. The event planner would then just turn around and hire someone like the entertainment company to actually do the lighting. So, we may be in good hands working with the entertainment company directly. And really, are lighting needs aren’t that significant – we just want some indirect lighting instead of floodlights.

Flowers: last night I really felt lost. We finally fall asleep for a while but then both woke up around 2:00am when my groom decides to send another email to the wedding planner. Somehow he often seems to have better luck. You want to know the crazy thing? He says she actually replied after that, after 2:00am! Reinforces what I already knew — that she works SO HARD. I don’t know the contents of the email, but believe that by the end of the day we’ll have some more guidance. Today they are supposed to set up the tables to get an idea of how many arrangement she thinks may be necessary. What I’m hoping for is she’ll be able to tell us something like: “do 1 really dramatic grouping and 2 more moderate groupings for each table”, Or “2 dramatic and 3 modest per table”…  Or “just do 5 moderate / modest groupings per table”… Some guidance like that, then we can pick from the ‘menu’ of arrangements we’ve been given and see what fits in our budget.

Reflection: While I was driving today I took the time to try to put things into perspective. Take us for example; our budget has more than doubled. That means much of what we are asking from our vendors has also increased. So here we are close to our wedding date and more work has been created. Also, we are most definitely not the only couple doing this. I’m a programmer so I should know this so well — we call it ’scope creep’. A client gives you a project and a deadline, yet along the way they want more features but still want the same delivery date. So my flowers – the initial expectation was just 4-5 identical mixed flower arrangements down each table, which I was never very excited with. Finally, 3 weeks before the wedding I find my inspiration, though don’t really know what it will take to pull it off. Its also a type of set-up they don’t have experience with, so how can I expect them to know exactly what it will take? I need to be glad they are embracing my ideas and are willing to try.

Advice: Now today the anxiety is lessened. A piece of advice I have to other brides is don’t let yourself get too worked up. When you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed pick up the phone. They will hear your concerns and calm your fears. In fact, some of your concerns may suddenly seem silly. And remember, the pressure you are putting on yourself is WAY more pressure than anyone else will put on you. The issue that has become so big in your head may not really be that big of a deal after all.

Action Plan: The independent planner is hoping to set up the table and canopy today and give us a better idea of what we are working with. Tonight I will finally pick some flowers and just hope for the best. Really, does anyone else pay much attention to flowers anyway? They will see if the entertainment guy can stop by and give some insight on the lighting. Today we will finally formalize a menu. Most importantly we arranged a meeting for the day we arrive which will hopefully include both wedding planners, the DJ (and lighting person if it will be someone else) and the manager of the La Vista restaurant who will hold a tasting for us. Then together we will all walk the space and figure out what will go where and any last minute adjustments that need to be made. This will all still be three days before the wedding. Meeting this whole team of people I think will go a long ways to relieving any lingering concerns and have us ready to enjoy our guests when they get there the following day.

Note: after the wedding we’ll share names and reviews of all companies we are working with. I don’t want any of my rants to reflect poorly on someone that might end up doing an outstanding job.