I was reading some wedding budget suggestions when I saw a reminder to not forget about tips! Good point I thought, but then realized I don’t really know who to tip. I came across one etiquette article that suggests you tip just about everyone involved from the chef to the banquet captain to the wedding planners and entertainers, and of course wait staff and bartenders. You can imagine how much that could add up! But then we have prices that are already inflated with the 19% service fee that the Marriott adds on top of everything – does that cover tips? When and where might an additional tip be acceptable and / or expected? Totally confused I emailed their wedding planner who did not reply to that email. Maybe its an uncomfortable question for her? A couple weeks later I went ahead and emailed the manager that we’ve been working with and really appreciated her reply!

Wedding Tipping:

Of course she says any tips are totally up to our discretion if we receive excellent service. But as a rule:

• Wait Staff and Bartenders – Yes
• Chef and Pastry Chef – No
• Banquet Captain / Manager – No
• Wedding Planner – No
• Entertainers (Steel Pan Drummer & DJs) – No
• Event Manager – No
• Restaurant Manager (where we’re holding welcome party) – No
• Hair Stylist – No (Mandara Spa adds a 20% service charge)

She also agreed with something I had read on my own – that you aren’t expect to tip the ‘owner of a company’. For example, if your photographer, independent wedding planner, entertainer, etc, works for him / herself they do not expect a tip. And Marriott managers are not allowed to accept tips. They are allowed to accept gifts, however if the value of the gift exceeds $50, it needs to be ‘reported’ (to corporate management maybe?).

Here are Martha Stewart’s thoughts on Wedding Tipping»

Restaurant Tipping:

I’m told in Marriott’s restaurants, a 15% gratuity will be automatically added to groups of 6 or more, but somehow I seem to remember a service charge being added to our breakfast for two when we were there (I’ll find out for sure in less than 2 weeks!). 

Outside of the hotel, I think restaurant service changes are a bit controversial in Aruba. Some restaurants will add in a ’service charge’ and its often unclear as to what that service charge is for. Who gets what? Its easy to think, “If they are going to add in a service charge, then I don’t have to leave a tip”. But does the money from this service charge get shared with the wait staff? The policies are different from restaurant to restaurant. I remember reading some TripAdvisor reviews from frustrated visitors, irritated by wait personnel that pushed the ‘extra tip’ line when there was already the service charge added in. Maybe this service charge is shared but maybe not (my guess is probably not much of it is shared)…  And how well are waiters, waitresses and bartenders compensated in Aruba? Are they dependent on tips like those there in the US? Or are they paid well and the tip is just a bonus? (Aruba is a Dutch island and some countries in Europe pay these people really well so tipping is not customary.) Really, I think its a poor policy to have that service charge there, especially if it is not shared with the wait staff. It confuses people. I think it would be better all around if they just raised their prices 15%. I guess maybe they want to be able to show a reasonably priced menu, but I think its pretty shady to add 15% after the fact. 

Anyway – the ‘take-away’ for me is to go ahead and tip if you are truly impressed with the service and don’t let yourself feel obligated to tip if the service is just ‘ok’. So, I think we’ll tuck away some cash in envelopes to have one hand for the bartenders and wait staff – and maybe have a couple of extra envelopes on hand ‘just in case’. In the end it looks like tipping will be a token instead of the considerable expense I had suddenly feared.