So do other brides go through this? I am totally stuck. I have just a few weeks left, plenty to do, yet have been totally burned out. I get home and do some research online but don’t seem to get anywhere. I don’t want to think about it. Then, I get to bed and lie awake because I am then confronted by all that’s left to do and start to panic. I’ve been avoiding people because they of course ask if I’m excited about the wedding and at this moment I’m not – seems like one thing after another is going wrong (not really with the wedding, just ‘other stuff’).

I’m also suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that – ‘Oh my God – our guests are traveling all the way to Aruba and spending minimum $1000 each to come see our wedding…’ Already I’m shy and uncomfortable being the center of attention and somehow this makes the pressure even more (that is pressure I put on myself). And I go through moments of some crazy irrational fears (like last night when a newbie in Zumba kept crowding me and I was totally afraid she was going to break my foot or ankle which would keep me from working out any more before the wedding – you’d think she’d have backed off when I stepped on her once when she went the wrong way). Its also been cold and rainy for days which gets depressing and I start to wonder what if I get the flu, yet refuse to get flu shots.

I don’t have a veil yet, don’t have a strapless swimsuit yet, don’t have bridal jewelry or purse, don’t have bridal or honeymoon lingerie, don’t have bridesmaid or parent gifts and don’t feel like shopping!!! I haven’t done my DIY projects because I don’t have any creative energy and don’t feel like fighting with my printer. And I need to make decisions on items I was thinking of ordering for the welcome bags – already I think I’ll be subjected to ‘expedited shipping’. Yes, my own fault.

Why can I suddenly not make decisions? Part I think is guilt over the budget which has literally tripled. I’m having such trouble spending money even though he keeps telling me its ok – that the money is there. And there is also guilt in knowing this is supposed to be such a happy time and I’m stuck in this rut.